本文目录一览：
- 1、托福作文求批改
- 2、托福作文批改
- 3、托福综合写作批改
- 4、托福写作批改点评 第30期：什么样的工作更适合你
- 5、托福模考软件怎么批改写作和口语？我下载了托福模考软件，里面都是TPO，可是做完了口语和写作怎么批啊？
托福作文求批改
结构完整，行文流畅，句式较丰富，只有个别拼写错误，应该在4分左右
托福作文批改
请你以后打这个问题托福写作批改的时候就要注意，字全部糊在一起你难道不觉得恶心吗。
大概只是简单改托福写作批改了下语法什么的错误。还有就是把完全不必要的句子都用灰色划掉了。
痛苦之处是，你没有分段。所以托福写作批改我只好随便代你分一下，你就凑合看。【考官是会各根据段来略读，不会这么好脾气一点点看仔细的。】
圈了一处语法错误极其严重的，其托福写作批改他的还好【判断与发的标准是一下子能否读懂意思，相信我我要是执着的看了很多次还搞不清楚你的意思那么这个就是真的有问题】【注意介词和固定搭配】
还有就是，不要以为你的写作水平能高过考官，你不是他的boss,使用大量的口语化语言并不会显得你很地道，反而真的很土。【杜绝没有意义的口语】
最痛疼的是逻辑的硬伤。不要“首先，因为可以省时间，所以可以省时间，结果就省了时间，由此可以得出，这个可以省时间，我的论点是，这个真的可以省时间托福写作批改；其次，就是它还可以省时间”……【←这个例子比较极端，但是逻辑真的有缺漏！！】
举例完全没有说服力【不幸，既不具体，也不合理，脱离实际，臆想痕迹严重】←虽然托福例子是可以随便举，但是你这个太随便了
不要随便下定义，你的观点只是观点。【用定义来论述与下定义完全是两码事好不好啊】
顺便建议一下，请立场坚定。不要讲什么xxx也很重要的话。【当然不是说这么说不行，只是由于你逻辑不行，说这个就是添乱】
不要随便用网上的固搭和模板【相信我，虽然我没有认真备考过托福，什么是模板还是可以一眼看出来的】
论点请丰富下【不要用证不出来的或者站不住脚的】←我会不管自己怎么想直接写可以证明的方面，虽然有的时候本人并不赞同这个观点。考试的时候构思尽量不要花时间。
既然以上出现了这些问题，我就假设你没有限时写的这个。注意考试时和你真实能写的字数会有差别。【请限时哟~~】←我只考了两次，独立写作一个是688字一个是702字，在家是700字左右，算是比较稳定。同城一个变态写到800+的字数。 当然不是说字多多益善，但是不要像你的这么少会比较好（重申下我用灰色删过了）。
有别的问题可以追问，你以后考别的或申请或大学生活都可以哟~~
托福综合写作批改
Both reading and listening cope with the topic about if Phoenicians had ever been sent to sail around the Africa.改成如下：
Both reading and listening cope with the topic about whether Phoenicians were sent to sail around the Africa.
其一，有多种情况从句不能用if引导，如主语从句，表语从句，介词后的宾语从句，很不幸你这里就遇到了，以后要写选择性从句的话引导词全用whether绝对安全。
其二，ever的存在颇有画蛇添足之感，且此处并未提到过去的过去，且该材料所提及的是历史事件，还是用一般过去时最好。
改成The reading passage obviously states that Phoenicians were not sent to there.
理由同上。
In the lecture, however, the professor contrast that Phoenicians had sailed around the African and casts doubt on the reading passage with several perspectives.改成
In the lecture, however, the professor casts doubt on the reading passage with several perspectives.
首先contrast无动词用法，想必楼主想表达“反驳”之意，用insist这样的引出观点词即可。其次只需表达出听力观点反驳阅读观点这层意思即可，contrast that Phoenicians had sailed around the African这句话有画蛇添足雷同之感，因为正常人看了后半句自然就能知道这层意思，多此一举写出这句反而容易因为词句重复而失分（句词多样性也是一大抠分点）
The first contradicting fact the professor reasons is that Phoenicians sailed around the Africa, because even though the vessels were simple at that time, but some
scientists copied their vessels and arrived Africa. 改成：
The first contradicting fact the professor reasons is that even though the vessels were simple at that time, some scientists copied them and arrived Africa.
其一，sailed around the African又赘余了一次，大忌。
其二，关联词也不能赘用，中文里嚼着“尽管但是”，英文不好这口，说了“尽管”就不能说“但是”，反之同理，even though和but不可兼得，只能取其一。
simple technology could hardly afford to sail so far 最好改成
those vessels with simple technology could hardly afford to sail so far
毕竟能 sail 的是 vessel 而不是 technology
the empire then were not alike other empires in Africa who did not enjoy water trading, he loves it. 改成：
most emperors in Africa may not enjoy water trading while the one at that time was very interested in sailing.
错误：empire帝国emperor帝王。同一名词在同一句中不可重复出现，若第二次用则须用one替代。两个独立句子不能直接逗号相连，可用从句可用连词也可用副词加分号。alike也不能这么用，要用也该用like，alike不是介词，后面不再接宾语。
当表达对比之意时建议用while从句，楼主的写法不是不可，只是看起来有些违和。
另外谓语本该单数楼主却用were不知是不是托福潜规则。
This directly contrasts the point in the reading passage that empire have no reason to hire sailors. 改成
This argument directly objects to the point in the reading passage that emperors didn't hire sailors because they were not keen on sailing.
this单独做主语毕竟不妥，考虑到反对的对象是argument，就在其后加上该词。contrast无动词形式，换成object to较好。且该论点旨在强调埃及帝王对航海没兴趣，“不雇佣工人”只是细枝末节，故建议改成上述形式——不雇人是因为不喜欢航海。
第三个论点陈述听力观点时最好突出重点是“这个故事是真实的”。
此外就没什么明显的语法错误了，但在表述上可能仍需要更正式一点，尽可能符合老外的思维习惯还有托福的评分标准，避免中式英语。以上大概可以看出楼主的模板，如果习惯了这样的模板就这样写无可厚非。要是本人来写的话本人会这样写：
The reading material advocates the ideathat emperors in Egypt did not hire Phoenicians to sail around Africa byoffering three reasons. On the contrary, the lecture entirely opposes thepassage's idea and uses three specific points to support his opinion.
Firstly, the writer proposes that vessels in Egypt were not advanced enough to sail so far. However, the speaker presentsa conflicting statement. He argues that though these Egyptian vessels were simple, some scientists improved them a lot so that they achieved the ability to reach Africa.
Secondly, the author illustrates that emperors in Egypt had no interest in sailing. Quite the opposite, the professor casts doubt on the reading material by asserting that there existed one emperor that was different from others. In other words, he was keen on water trading so he might send some Phoenicians to explore new trading patterns.
Thirdly, the reading passage puts forward that this idea may just be a story rather than history, whereas this explanation is indefensible based on the listening material. The speaker points out that there are lots of evidence such as date and weather that could support the idea. The details above indicate that it cannot be a story which is made up by some people.
当然，以上只是本人的一孔之见，给出的模板不一定要照搬或者必须这么写，楼主若是觉得有用可以学习借鉴下即可。祝楼主考试顺利
托福写作批改点评 第30期：什么样的工作更适合你
Topic（题目）托福写作批改：
Do you agree or disagree with the followingstatement? It is better to take a secure job witha low pay than to take a job with a high pay butis easy to lose.
Target text（文章正文）:
In this day and age, people seem to be eager toseek a job to support themselves in response to[the] increasing unemployment rate. It's notuncommon that they may choose to compromise [用词不错] with tough situation, settlingdown in a stable position with a low pay such as a shop assisstant [拼写错误] rather than ahighly paid but more risky one. Personally, I really don't see anything wrong with these peoplewho choose to be pracical. [拼写错误]
To start with, when it comes to seeking jobs, security should be put in the first place. [主题写的很精练托福写作批改，表达也很清晰]As individuals, financial independent is one of fundamental aims inour lives. People who choose to take a secure job with low salary can at least meet his dailyneed regularly instead of fearing what if he gets fired tomorrow. On the contrary, a man whoearns top salaries but loses it frequently will suffer a life filled with unpredictable troubles. Their credit is also less trustworth [trustworthy] than those who are financially stablebecause they are more likely to sink in debt. [论据展开很简洁，说服力也较强，不错]
Further, to certain extent, taking a risky but highly paid job may be more harmful forone's health than a more secure one due to intensive working pace and severe pressure. Asseveral scientific research reveals, people undertaking more competitive tasks tend to sufferdiseases result [-ing] from heavy pressure. In contrast, those who are willing to be regularlypaid are more likely to maintain their health. [这个观点很好]
Last but not least, a stable position with a lower pay can't prevent a really ambitiousman from making his own fortune. For instance, a fresh man at his 20s may lack experienceand luck, which forces him to take a [改为an] inferior job. Nevertheless, it is still hopeful forhim to grasp other necessary skills in spare time and obtain working experience. Once newoppportunities [拼写错误] show up, he surely would make his way to it and achieve his goal. Infact, holding on to one's dream even if in case of adversity plays a critical role in one'ssuccess. what [句首大写] really counts is to bear in mind that opportunites prefer to [to去掉]those who are preparing for them.
In summary, seeking jobs needs comprehensive consideration, which includes thinkingabout security first, issue of working pressure and long-term occupational planning. Sometimes it is still a wise choice to take a secure position with lower payment as long as thedecision is made via practical consideration.
托福模考软件怎么批改写作和口语？我下载了托福模考软件，里面都是TPO，可是做完了口语和写作怎么批啊？
LZ从网上下载的TPO模考软件是不能批口语和写作的，至少我用过的从来没有能批的。如果在托福官网上花钱做他们的在线TPO（就是正版的）里面的口语和写作是有e-rater来评的，也不是真人来批。如果想批的话，我建议，口语可以到Yeeaooboxs上练习。写作的话可以找靠谱的人给看看或者搜索范文，前提你得能确定这个范文不错。 在真实考试中口语和写作由人来评判，所以也不会有标准答案。只能好好分析得分点和评分标准然后要求自己了。
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